I have done many things in life that I can truly say I am not proud of, and just as many things that I can full heartedly say I am proud of, but not one thing in my lifetime of achievements and challenges amounts to the pride I have than being where I am in my life now and knowing what I have had to endure to get here.
Life isn’t just a single path we are coasting on. It’s a web of intricate design that we must choose with our hearts, our soul and our spirit to guide us. Life doesn’t just happen by accident, it's full of reasons, if we choose to open our eyes, our minds, our soul and learn to navigate the whys, we come to a better understanding that we all have purpose in this world, even if it's not clear in that very moment. It's our story, it's constantly changing, like water, and we must be open to the ebbs and flows. We must learn and then teach others the understanding that Just because one chapter in your story guided you down a path, it is never permanent, there are choices you can make to change that story, make it stronger and better before turning the page. Own it, learn from it, grow, change and mold, but never let just one chapter define your existence.
I have spent a lifetime realizing this. Owning my story from the time I was born. I was just a little girl when I was taken in the back of a cop car away from my biological mother and sisters. I was just shy of 4 years old, malnourished, neglected by my mother and raised by my two older sisters. In 1984 I was adopted into the caring loving and occasionally normal dysfunctional family I have today. My life from the beginning was chosen for me, but what I decided to do with that story to this day defines my very character, strength, power and determination that each chapter I wrote until this very moment created a person I am proud of today.
Today I sit here, 42 years old, single, with a 13 year old daughter. I just closed my business that I put my heart and soul into for the past 4 years. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years. And just 10 months ago lost the most loving father to my daughter that I could have ever asked for. All that, and the challenges in between have me wading in the ocean, watching each swell of the tide, contemplating which crest is mine to ride in. I have no idea where this next chapter is going to take my daughter and I, but I know that there is no permanency to whatever decision I make for us, but I also know that whatever I choose... there is no right or wrong answer. I just have to trust the universe and with grace and strength make the best out of the next chapter.